Three Years Ago Today...

07/10/18 - Exactly three years ago today, I had a 25x13x8.7cm round cell/myxoid liposarcoma (MRCLS) cancer tumour removed from my left thigh. Besides leaving a 10” scar, sarcoma forever changes you in ways the eye can’t see. Like many life altering events, there is life before sarcoma & life after. We have a saying in the sarcoma community, sarcoma is a marathon, not a sprint. Over the past three years, there have been times where I wondered if I would ever get to this crucial point. With sarcomas being so rare & many survivors never having met another person with the same sarcoma subtype, the online sarcoma community has become very close knit. Since my diagnosis, several fellow survivors whose journey started out quite like mine have lost the battle due to their MRCLS returning with a vengeance, which makes me all the more grateful to reach three years with NED (no evidence of disease). I still have to be monitored for life, as sarcoma can return many years later (i.e., 7, 8 & even 11 years in some cases), but I take comfort in the fact that many cases of mets (metastasis) occur in the first three years for my subtype, so three years is a huge milestone.

So much has happened since my diagnosis. While in the middle of cancer treatment, I was laid off my job of nearly two decades, which was a bit of a mixed blessing, as it gave me time to heal & process everything. While 2015 was spent recovering physically, 2016 was spent recovering emotionally. Still, the winds of change continued over the past year with the relief & challenge of finally finding a new job, and the heartbreak of losing my two older dogs who passed away five months apart. Throughout all this, some bonds have strengthened while others have been broken. But with mom, my youngest remaining dog & good friends by my side, both new & old, I have come through. :)

To be honest, for the past three years, I have in many ways been waiting for the other shoe to drop, but I refuse to do that anymore. Sure, it’s always at the back of my mind that it could return when I least expect it (there is no blood test & often no symptoms with sarcoma), but something changed in me this year. I don’t know if it was witnessing the passing of my two older fur-babies or just the process of time, but I've decided that life is for the living, so I am going to move forward until the universe decides otherwise. Deciding to get another dog was the first step towards this, and I am so excited to have Molko join our little family later this summer! During the months following my diagnosis, Placebo’s music was the only thing that could take my mind away from it all & give me some kind of peace, so what better way to honour that than by naming my newest fur-baby after the singer whose lyrics mirror my soul. Placebo was also the soundtrack to my five months of physio that followed, when my sole purpose in life was to recover well enough to make it to their 20th anniversary tour! Well, I guess you could say I succeeded & then some, as I just came back from my third trip this tour, three weeks before my third NED anniversary. Seeing my favourite band in a historic city with amazing friends, it doesn’t get much better than that! :)

Next big milestone: 10 years! Better start saving my travel points now! ;)  Meanwhile, I'm just happy to graduate to six-month scans (previously every four months)! :) 

#SarcomaSurvivor, #SarcomaAwareness, #LifeIsWhatYouMakeIt, #Placebo30

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And So Begins My "Battle for the Sun"... Getting My Cancer Diagnosis.

04/07/15 - So, it's been a week since my CT-guided biopsy.  Went in to the hospital today for my results.  The wait felt like forever, as I arrived an hour early & the doctor was running an hour late.  Fortunately, I brought entertainment in the form of Placebo's "We Come in Pieces" concert video on my iPad, that was a much needed & helpful distraction.  But alas, the time finally came & into the doctor's office I went...

First, they had a medical resident intern ask me a bazillion questions about my medical history & symptoms.  Then she had me get into a gown & went away for ages, only to come back, ask more questions & leave again.  This wasn't looking good.  Finally she came back with the doctor, and after two long months, my wait for a diagnosis was over.  It wasn't good.  Yep, the C word...cancer...or more technically a myxoid liposarcoma, which is a type of soft tissue sarcoma.

Needless to say, my head's been spinning ever since.  Had a little mini breakdown before leaving the hospital, but relatively speaking, I'm okay.  Going to start the short term disability claim process tomorrow.  I was actually crazy enough to consider going int to work...to, well, work, tomorrow but no...  I'd like to keep my job, and the last thing I need is to lose my temper with a customer due to stress & then lose my job & much needed benefits because of it.  So, I advised my manager that I may come in to pick up a few things, get the mailroom to fax my insurance claim & talk to a few people, but that's it.

Now, of course, I have a million questions, such as what stage am I in & what are my chances of survival?  This will all be determined with...you guessed it....more tests. First up is a bone scan to see if it's spread to my bones.  This is already scheduled for two days from now.  Second is yet another CT-scan to see if it's spread to my abdomen or lungs...still waiting for  date on that one, but they're trying to push it for this week.  Then, hopefully in six days if we manage to cram all the tests into this week, I'll meet with the same doctor from today who's an orthopaedic surgeon (the one who'll be removing my tumour) & another doctor whom I assume is an ecologist, for further consultation.  Then, I'll undergo three days & nights of in-patient "chemo-light", for lack of a better phrase, to "sensitize" my body for 10 days of out-patient radiation therapy.  *Gulp*.  Not looking forward to either of those last two, but they said it's better to do those first, to have as few complications as possible.  Then, I have a month break to recover, and then regardless of whether or not it's spread, surgery two months from now to remove the tumour & hopefully save my leg.

In the meantime, I've jumped into action mode, doing what I can while I can.  So, tomorrow, before popping into work, I'll be calling all of my insurance companies to start THAT part of the medical roller coaster that is my life right now.  C'mon insurance, don't fail me now!  Crossing every appendage possible that process won't be as horrendous as I'm anticipating it to be...  Here's hoping they do large-print or e-forms.

And last but certainly not least, I began the task of telling my nearest & dearest the news.  As soon as the doctor told me, I immediately felt guilty, wondering if I'd done something to cause this by not eating enough fruits & vegetables.  I don't know if they were humouring me, but they seemed sincere when they said "No", and that "this type of cancer can happen to anyone" & that "it's just dumb luck who gets it". Telling my mom, aunt & best friend of nearly 30 years was the hardest.  Everyone else I just did a mass message on Facebook.  Sorry about that, but it was hard enough having this conversation three times, let alone another 70.  Hope you all understand.

I also worry about how this will effect my mom, who's already said she'll move in with me during treatment if necessary, but that's going to be so tough on her with her work being on the opposite side of town. :(  And my poor best friend...   She's still getting over losing her mom to cancer.  That just makes me feel even worse. :(  Not like there's ever a good time for this kind of thing to happen, but seriously Universe, this is not funny, not funny at all. :/

Well, that's it from me for now...  I'll write more when there's either more news or after I've had the aforementioned tests...  Cross your fingers for me the next bit of news will be good!  I need all the positive energy I can get right now!

*[NOTE: The title of this post was inspired by, yes - you guessed it, Placebo & their album & song of the same name, "Battle for the Sun", one of my favourite albums of all time.]