Flashbacks ARE Real for Cancer Survivors

06/08/17 - Where has the time gone?! With three months already passed since my last round of scans & my next batch, a month away, I guess it’s time for an update!  Since my last post, between scans & the emotional effects of the past two years, I've really ramped up my efforts to rejoin the hamster wheel, and also took a bit of a social media break for an entire month before my last scans, just to focus on other things.  After the recent passing of several fellow myxoid/round cell warriors in the online support group I belong to, it was time to take a step back for my own sanity.

My visits to the sarcoma clinic are always “interesting”, so last time was no exception! Thanks to construction, we ended up taking a shuttle from the parking lot over to the cancer centre, which just happened to drop us off at the doors where radiation patients go - an entrance I hadn’t used since treatment. Now, I had heard of cancer survivors experiencing flashbacks of emotion during visits to the cancer centre but had never experienced it to this extent until this last visit. Scans are always an emotional time for any cancer survivor, but words cannot express the flood of emotions that rushed in as we walked through the waiting areas & halls of the radiation department. As if that wasn’t enough of a trip down memory lane, we then found ourselves walking through a hallway I hadn’t seen since my surgery to remove my sarcoma two years ago. To say that added to the anxiety was an understatement. On top of all that, for the first time, I had my chest x-ray at the hospital itself the same day instead of in advance offsite, so no peaking at results ahead of time! Between the flashbacks & scanxiety, it was a bit much to take, but I got through it. Fortunately, all my results were clear, so that was a huge relief! On our way out of the hospital, we walked right past the spot where I sat two years ago when I told my mom over the phone, I had cancer. Just one last dose of flashback for good measure, I suppose!

Of course, it wouldn’t be a proper meeting with my oncologist without changing SOMETHING with my scans yet again, LOL, so here is the latest! Per my request, he agreed to reinstate my abdominal ultrasounds (but not the pelvic ones, thank god, since they always had to do an internal one on me!), but he did advise, ultrasounds are not as sensitive as my annual CT scans. However, since we’d been doing them every four months, I wasn’t quite ready emotionally to give them up, so it’s really just for my own sanity that he reinstated them. The second change is due to some increasing pain I’ve had in my sciatic region/surgery area. He’s switching me from annual bone scans to a spinal MRI instead, which I have in just under a month. He said that they’re finding spinal MRIs to be more effective in finding bone mets in the spine. I’ve been doing some reading about spinal mets lately, and the research indicates that spinal mets are one of the most common sites of distant metastasis for myxoid/round cell liposarcoma patients. So, this is a good thing he’s added this to my roster of scans, but of course, since it’s new for me with higher sensitivity, cue in the increased anxiety that they’ll find something the bone scan missed. Sciatic pain asside, many liposarcoma patients with spine mets experience NO PAIN WHATSOEVER, so if your oncologist is only willing to do an MRI if you have symptoms, tell them to think again & insist they order at least one spinal MRI. The only time liposarcoma tumours cause pain is when the tumour presses against a nerve, and this is EXACTLY what happened to me with my first tumour. But to quote a fellow survivor, hopefully it’s just “creakedy old lady back" & nothing more! :)

In other news, after being laid off my job of nearly two decades while in the middle of cancer treatment two years ago, I am finally making some headway & was recently advised I was successful with one of my applications! I am so excited yet so nervous! After being off the hamster wheel for so long, it will be good to get back to some sense of normality. Now let’s just hope my next batch of scans doesn't throw a wrench into things! I busted my backside to get this job, so if my scans mess it up, I will be utterly devastated. And of course, as Murphy’s Law would have it, my favourite band just announced a whole bunch of tour dates, which I probably won’t be able to go to! Despite that, I'm practically having to hide from my computer to avoid buying tickets! Part of me wants to buy tickets just in case the new job falls through, but the other part is resisting the urge, just in case the new job or next batch of scans prevent me from going! Ugh, decisions, decisions! :p #FanGirlProblems! ;)

On a related note, one of the things I’ve missed most since being laid off is being able to help people. When I approached both the Canadian Cancer Society & CNIB to volunteer last summer, I was advised they were both undergoing restructuring & asked to check back in about six months. How ironic is that? I was laid off due to restructuring & turned away from volunteering for the same reason! So, with this year being my second birthday in remission, I decided to take matters into my own hands by raising $200 for charity - $100 for each year in remission! My goal is to achieve this by July 10th, which will hopefully be my second anniversary of being in remission! It’s through Canada Helps (registered charity, BN: 896568417RR0001), and funds will go to The Sarcoma Cancer Foundation of Canada, Wellspring, Humane Society & Canadian Chihuahua Rescue & Transport. By my birthday, I was already at 87% of my goal, so I’m almost there! :)

Another thing I've done to help spread sarcoma awareness is FINALLY purchase one of those sarcoma awareness t-shirts for both myself & my mom!  The slogan sums up so well the experience of everyone effected by sarcoma "We don't know how STRONG we are, until being strong is the ONLY choice we have!  Sarcoma awareness". 

Well, that’s all for now until my next update in July, which will include my next batch of scans - the spinal MRI, abdominal ultrasound & chest x-ray. Also, since there will be no time off for the first few months of my new job, I’m going to see what my oncologist thinks of changing my appointments/scans to every six months. Quite ironic, since I nearly had a stroke during my last appointment when he accidentally thought we were already at six month intervals! Previously, he'd suggested sticking to four-month intervals until the THREE year mark, so you can imagine the panic that set in at the thought of fewer scans at just two years. Since then, I’ve actually come around to the idea, so we shall see what he says!

Thanks for reading! :) If you enjoyed this post, please help spread #SarcomaAwareness by sharing it on Google+, Twitter or Facebook using the buttons below. You can also subscribe to this blog using the links on the left.

Have a sarcoma blog of your own that you'd like linked? Feel free to drop me a line or post your link in a comment below.

Saying Goodbye to a Fellow Survivor, Plus Summer Update

09/09/16 - Still a month to go before my next round of tests to check my cancer hasn't returned, but I thought I'd pop in with a little update.  The summer was good while it lasted.  We've had a lot of rain this year, but whenever the sun was shining, I took advantage of it to go for walks or just sit outside with my dogs to enjoy the fresh air & greenery - something I didn't get to do much of last year during recovery.  It's been nice relaxing without having to worry about being somewhere (like the non-existent job I've yet to find since being laid off!).  Hey, if you don't laugh, you'll cry, right?  Gotta find a silver lining somewhere! :)  For those new to my blog, in 2015, I had a very large high grade liposarcoma removed from my thigh.  Check the side menu to the left for the link to my post where I describe the beginning of my journey with this rare cancer.

All this wet weather has led to an interesting discovery.  Ever since the rain started falling, I've noticed an increase in pain on my surgery site, along with my shoulder which was broken years ago when I was hit by a car.  Initially, the connection wasn't obvious, but now I'm starting to think the weather may be causing whatever is going on to get worse. At first, I blamed the shoulder pain on possible tendinitis, since I did have issues with it about 10 to 15 years after it was broken.  I figured I'd aggravated it while lifting my monitor a month before, but upon speaking to my family doctor, it seems it's not normal for tendonitis onset to have a month delay, nor should it be lasting THIS long.  It's been three months of me being super gentle on my shoulder, yet I'm still experiencing pain.  Hopefully, it's just the onset of arthritis, but my family physician is taking it seriously, given my history.  So, cue in yet another ultrasound & x-ray, yaay! :p  My favourite things, LOL, not!

Speaking of tests, my family doctor has also agreed to try to get a copy of the pathology report from my grapefruit-sized uterine fibroid that was removed back in 2005.  Back then, I didn't know enough to even think to ask to see it, so I just figured no news was good news when I never heard anything about it after the surgery.  Knowing what I know now, I want to see the report, even though they say it's unrelated to my sarcoma.  The fact still remains that in the space of 10 years, my body grew two large masses.  I want to see that report!

Back to the subject of the pain I've been having...  Recently I started taking turmeric upon the recommendation of some of my fellow liposarcoma survivors for my shoulder, but to my surprise, the pain in my surgery site ALSO almost completely disappeared within 24 hours but returns whenever I stop taking it.  Turmeric is said to have a very strong anti-inflammatory agent so now I'm really baffled.  I don't think a sarcoma recurrence would inflame any of the tissues, BUT I do know of other sarcoma patients whose recurrences were misdiagnosed as tendonitis, so I'm really happy that my family doctor is not sweeping this under the rug & is at least taking a look to be on the safe side.  I should have the results within a week, so cross your fingers for me all goes well.  I assume it's either arthritis, tendonitis or both in my shoulder & just the aftereffects of surgery & radiation in my thigh, but still, there's a small part of my mind that worries it's more than that. OK, maybe not that small!  Although any distant metastasis is more likely to occur in my abdomen or lungs, liposarcoma has been known to metastasize to odd locations, so I don't take anything for granted.  We're not scanning my leg at this point (I'll ask about that next month when I meet with my oncologist), but if anything turns up weird in my shoulder, my family doctor will order an MRI.  MRI's have a long wait time when they don't think it's life threatening, so hence the reason we're starting with this other batch of scans.

Meanwhile, next month is my next batch of usual scans to check specifically for distant metastasis. They're sending me for a second CT scan this year despite the original plan being for one CT scan annually, alternated with a chest x-ray & abdominal & pelvic ultrasound the rest of the year.  This means increased exposure to radiation, and to quote my oncological team, CT radiation is not insignificant, so I'm not exactly thrilled about this. But somebody messed up & only ordered a chest CT in June, plus the usual pelvic & abdominal ultrasound, instead of scanning everything in just one CT scan like we'd previously discussed.  So, now they're doing the CT scan of everything in October, plus they're still doing the pelvic ultrasound, most likely due to my ovarian cysts they're keeping a careful eye on.  *sigh*  Oh well.  It's not worth the stress to argue with them, especially after what happened last time!

Getting back to my surgery site, though, the pain is quite severe when it does happen, but thankfully it's not constant. I think that pain could be sciatic inflammation. Fortunately, that doesn't keep me awake, becaus it only lasts for a few moments & happens when I move a certain way or try to stand or sit, but the strange thing is, it's not every time.  Because of this, it's next to impossible to replicate  for my oncologist.  My shoulder, on the other hand, kept me up at night for about a month.  Ah, the joys of getting old & being a sarcoma survivor!  :p   Despite all this, I am in good spirits & really looking forward to my trip this fall to see my favourite band Placebo's 20th anniversary tour!  I think it'll do me a world of good to get out of here for a while!

On a more sombre note, I would like to pay my respects to Jeff Landes who passed away from his six year battle with liposarcoma earlier this summer.  Every liposarcoma survivor knows this cancer has a high tendency to recur & many experience multiple recurrences, especially with well-differentiated & de-differentiated liposarcoma.  His passing hit me particularly hard, because he was one of the first people to reach out to me when I joined the liposarcoma survivors support group on Facebook.  Wherever you are now, Jeff, thanks for sharing your story & spirit with the rest of us lumpy folks.  Your sense of humour & amazing spirit are very much missed.

Thanks for reading! :) If you enjoyed this post, please help spread #SarcomaAwareness by sharing it on Google+, Twitter or Facebook using the buttons below. You can also subscribe to this blog using the links on the left.