07/08/16 - Wow, can't believe three months have passed already! Yep, it's that special time again where I get to worry about my latest batch of scan results. But before I get to those which I have already received by the way, a bit about anniversaries. Whether good or bad, optimist or realist, pretty much every cancer survivor has an emotional reaction to their anniversaries of which we have many. First, there’s the diagnosis anniversary of when your world was forever changed. Then comes the anniversary of your first cancer treatment, be it chemo, radiation or surgery. Then, of course, there’s the all important one year anniversary of when you were deemed cancer free. While some celebrate their anniversaries, others find them quite difficult. To my surprise, I fell in the latter - at least for the first batch anyway (diagnosis & chemoversaries). I say I was surprised, because most of the time despite my obligatory week of stressing prior to scan results, I usually do quite well. I keep myself busy and find things to make myself happy and enjoy this beautiful spring we've been having. However, about three days before my one year anniversary of being diagnosed, I suddenly felt very depressed. I didn't feel like listening to my favourite music, didn't feel like watching TV, didn't feel like being awake, didn’t feel like going out. Basically, I felt numb for three days, unable to move forward. It wasn't until I forced myself to listen to my favourite music that I was finally able to shake myself out of it, at which time I flipped into super productive mode & got a ton of things done. I continued to be fine until my one year anniversary of starting chemo, which was exacerbated by the fact my grandpa who also had a rare sarcoma five years ago now has a new cancer, mantle cell lymphoma, and his chemo started almost exactly a year to the day from when I started mine. To say this messed with my mind would be an understatement. According to the liposarcoma support group I’m on, sarcoma survivors are more likely to get other forms of cancer. Seeing my grandpa make this a reality on my own chemoversary amplified that fear. This time, it took me a week to pick myself up & snap out of it. I think the challenge with anniversaries, is it brings everything flooding back, and you can’t help but wonder if or when it is going to rear its ugly head again. You want to plan for the future but you don’t dare because you’re not sure how much of a future you even have. But then, you dust yourself off, give yourself a shake & think about everything you’re grateful for & how things could be so much worse. Fortunately, that’s the mode I prefer, but every now & then you have those dark days, and for me, anniversaries seem to trigger those big time. Hopefully, this will get easier with each passing anniversary. From what I’ve heard from other survivors, the first year is the biggest hurdle, though. If I can make it to anniversary #3 in tact, then I will truly start celebrating, because I’ll be out of that high danger zone for distant metastasis. Of course, there’s always be a possibility even after three years, but as I’ve mentioned before, if it’s going to happen, it’s usually within the first two to three years after surgery.
Now for my latest batch of results. It’ll be another month before I meet with my oncologist, however, his assistant emailed me my results this afternoon. First the good news. From what I can tell, my pelvic & abdominal ultrasound’s plus my CT scan are all OK despite the addition of a second/new ovarian cyst, in addition to the previously noted lesions on my T3, thyroid & iliac. There has been no change in size for any of them other than the addition of a second ovarian cyst, but it’s a simple cyst not likely to be cancerous. Still, they are recommending it be monitored every six months. Now for the bad news. It appears my bone scan is inconclusive due to the presence of low grade soft tissue uptake where my sarcoma was removed. This is most likely due to the surgery or radiation treatment, HOWEVER because my original sarcoma ALSO showed soft tissue uptake, they can not rule out localized recurrence in my thigh at this time based on this bone scan. The scan also shows degenerative type uptake in my shoulders, lower lumber spine, knees & feet, but there is no evidence of mets to the bones. What this degenerative type uptake means, I don’t know but they’re suggesting followup. Over the past month, I’ve been having pains in my right foot even while sedentary & have discovered a lump in the bone not far from where the pains are which isn’t replicated on my left foot, so I’m a bit concerned. I’ve also been experiencing pain in my right shoulder, but I’m hoping it’s related to a previous fracture or previous tendonitis or bursitis I had in that shoulder many years ago. I’ve also had pains in my right knee, but that was injured at the same time my shoulder was, so again, hoping it’s nothing & that I just need to drink more milk! But I’m worried about my leg. I’ve noticed over the past month or so that the edema seems to have increased a bit… I’m going to press for an MRI sooner rather than later, and if he won’t request one, I’ll press my family physician for one. Given the inconclusive bone scan, though, I’m hoping it won’t be an uphill battle to get an MRI. I was never a fan of just an annual MRI. I’d much ratter have one every six months if not every four months.
Now if only they could move my appointment up, but unfortunately my oncologist is going on vacation, so it’s not an option. I asked if I could see the only other oncologist that specializes in sarcoma in my area but was told it’s better for my original oncologist to go over the results, since he’s more familiar with my case. Meanwhile, I’ve asked if he’ll be ordering any other tests prior to my appointment, so here’s hoping for that MRI…. Stay tuned…. More info when I have it.
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